Will Andy Need A Chauffeur To Get To Wimbledon Final
Poor old Andy, and poor old us. It’s Wimbledon time again and our hopes are raised that this could be the year he does it – this could be the year he gets to the Wimbledon Final and wins the title.
Some wag on Twitter made the comment that “The only way Murray will get to the final is in a chauffeur driven car”, which made us smile, for obvious reasons.
But surely, fourth seeded Mr Murray has a chance this year? With Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer also in the running, maybe his chances of a legitimate place are slim, but we’re optimistic people, so we think there are a few ways he could get there.
Good old fashioned bribery might work – we hear the average linesman doesn’t get paid all that much so a swift backhander could be the key. If that fails there’s always the computer technicians looking after the line technology – after all, a few quick tweaks and every line call could come down in his favour.
Getting to know Djokovic, Nadal and Federer’s habits may pay off her. We’re thinking watching them closely to see what their prematch habits are, and getting into their minds once they’re on the court.
Valium in the prematch meal, vodka in the courtside water bottle, maybe even a light file through the strings of a lucky racquet? Harsh, maybe, but there’s national pride at stake here people!
Faith is a wonderful thing, so maybe Murray could try and get a Deity onside. We’re not really sure which one would work best, so we reckon it’s good to go for them all.
Andy doesn’t have a lot of time if he’s going to visit churches, mosques and temples, but the law of averages say that one of the Gods has to listen to him. (Maybe he shouldn’t become a Mormon though, all those wives would make him too tired to lob!)
A rabbit’s foot, a horseshoe, a silver coin and a four leafed clover; that should do it.
Of course, weighed down with these treasures Murray might not be as agile on the court, but with all that luck on his side he can’t fail to lift the plate!
If the luck sounds a bit chancy, then it’s time to turn to the dark arts.
A hex on the other competitors, a few positive spells for Andy, and a few voodoo dolls for good measure – that should do it.
IF ALL ELSE FAILS
If all else fails and the above don’t seem to be working, then yep it will have to be the chauffeur driven trip to the Wimbledon Final.
We’re sure he’ll get complimentary tickets for Centre Court, and with one of our fantastic Wimbledon Tennis Packages, Andy can be picked up from his hotel, chauffeur driven in style and arrive refreshed and ready for the action, albeit a little jealous.
After the match, rather than congratulating the winner through gritted teeth, he can be whisked off again with a glass of champagne to the airport of his choice, ready to jet out to some exotic land all ready to do it again next year.
Of course, we jest. We have every hope for the fab Andy Murray, but if you’re not likely to win a place on Centre Court (or any other court) then let us get you to the Wimbledon Tennis in style! Strawberries, Champagne and luxury – and not a voodoo doll in site!